systems

I have systems for almost everything I do.
This includes drying myself, my wardrobe, my books and my cupboards.
For the untrained eye all may appear chaotic but I know where everything goes and how they go there.
My dearest looks at me as though I were a nutter when I mention these systems.
He refuses to follow the system for the cupboards.
And what happens? The bowls get shoved in the back where it is difficult to reach. The back of the cupboards are for rarely used dishes like the dessert bowls that came with the gaff.
Why why why not follow the system. Glasses get broken, plates impossible to find.
MADNESS.

New Perfume

Mankos
manKos
MANQOS
manQos for her
manKos
Man Kos our homme
Man Qos

back issues

I put my back out at the weekend pulling weeds in my overgrown garden. I had forgotten how much the muscle spasms impact my life. Going to a gallery the next day exhausted me completely. I had to sit on every bench along the picture journey. After a while any extra pounds I carry became extra tons. Laughing and sneezing were painful moments. By late afternoon I was very cranky and tired.
I needed to salvage the rest of the evening.
My solution was to get my other half off to play board games with his gamer mates in order to avoid me. I thought I would watch a couple of good arty vidoes with subtitles and sit on the big seat with a big cushion behind me. When I got to the shop there was a deal marked on the vids in large labels. As I hobbled up to the shop counter with my 2 long pondered choices I was told I had to pay full price as the computer system wasn't configured properly. At this news I almost burst into tears. I rolled my eyes to heaven and went a bit red. I told her to forget it. I shuffled out of the shop quickly with the poor woman behind the counter shouting after me that it was not her fault.

I felt bad that I had made the woman feel small - and I think I did. It just felt like the end of the world when she said I couldn't have the deal. I could afford the two at full price but I did not see why I should have to cause someone had forgotten . It's funny how even small pain if constant wears you down. I can't imagine what people do if they have chronic pain. I would be a complete bitch all the time.
Luckily I had some prescription drugs left over from the last time I was forced to walk like a 200yr old and teh back is starting to get better.

Pulling out the weeds

The other day I was weeding through a heavy laden patch of garden. No attention had been paid to the patch of poppies in some time and grass had grown up strongly between the flowers. There were plenty of dandelions pushing their way through to the sun along with a few nettles.
The ground was still wet from all the rain and the weeds were heavy with
Then I happened upon some snails doin it!
And then some more.
I had chanced upon a snail brothel in amongst the poppies.
Feck.

Now a couple of days later there are snail babies crawling all over my walls outside.
Flippin plant eaters everywhere I look.
drat.

ok the plan now is to find a bible and read it to those pesky snails - show the error of their ways.

old behaviours

a lot of the time when i have to go out and talk to people i chicken out.
it takes a long time to get ready to go outside.
items of clothing tried on and discarded again and again. over and over. panic about an outfit and how it appears from each side. each mirrored part has to look acceptable.
then what to say to people. the dullness of conversation. the dullness of seeing.
it all becomes overwhelming and sometimes i have to go to bed instead.
this becomes a problem when it is close friends and family.
this is old stuff for the most part as i overcome it now.

Private Lives

At the Gate.

Shrill upper class English accents. Now I expected fake upper class accents but not to the point of hearing impairment. Private Lives is a good play and given the right circumstances would work. It is the kind of comedy I enjoy as a rule.
The performance at The Gate is mediocre and at times becomes irritating. The relationships are unbelievable as there is a complete absence of sexual tension between the people playing the divorced couple. The two others are just written as two dimensional anyway so do not count.
One of the women thought it wise to scream loudly and at lenght everytime she was upset which was often. The slapstick was badly done exceot for one of the dance scenes set late into the play.
The costumes were excellent though and had been put together with love and care. They evoked a sense of glamour and occasion. They completely overshadowed the play.
What a pity.

if i lie flat on the floor i can hear the ground breathing. It's a relief to know that the ground breathes even when i do not.
floor breathing becomes necessary when i can't stand up anymore from the weight of a thought in my head.
Sometimes there is no thought just wading through and breathing concrete .
Thickening up my nostrils
sliding slowly down my throat
my lungs become a filled and breathing is a burden
hitting the floor relieves this thankfully.

Then I notice how dusty it is down on the floor.

locked in thought

eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eator not to eator not to eat or not to eator not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat or not to eat
eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat

Lucian Freud

Saw the Lucian Freud exhibit today. Absolutely wonderful – everyone should see it as often as possible. Layers and layers of discovery. All movement and insides pouring out from canvas.
I became drawn into the subjects. My reaction was instinctive.

There us so much living in all of us. All the human dirt, blood, water and emotion layered into nakedness. Memories layered onto the bodies making up movement.
The paintings made me touch my face to feel myself living in excitement.
That feeling of extreme sensitivity caused by brain overactivity was coming out through my skin.
Lip swelling cheek burning tongue touching response.

I love his work. I love his work.

As for the exhibition – I checked it out the wrong way around – looking at the more recent works first. This was a mistake really because the works go way back some from the forties and it is good to see a progression from older to current in this case. But there was no guidance from IMMA on how to view. A pointer would have been good at least and then let people make up their minds on where to go. Still it is well worth checking out and going to the new gallery first if you do.