Today I learned about these
Mooncup
Jaysus
They have different sizes or cups and mugs as I like to call them.
I am not sure I would want to go around with a cup in my fanny for a week.
Imagine if it popped out or something happened and you ended up in hospital. It is the same issue as the nasty knickers one. You know hot, rich young doctor looking at you in your big off white granny pants. He would have asked you out but for those damn pants. Now it is back to the single life of grey knickers and tv dinners for one.
Anyway I digress too much
It all came about when a mailing list I am on was discussing mad freecyclers.
There was one on looking for a mooncup – secondhand not a problem.
Shiver
Then there are these moon pads
Effing moon cycle celebration – hippie muppetry.
WTF? I do not celebrate my period – I hate it. I only get it every 2 months or so and I take a lot of solpedine, do weird stuff due to light headedness and feel cold all the time due to blood loss. Except when I have my hot flushes.
Actually I did something today that had a colleague looking askance at me. He had just asked me to help with something, written it down for me…in the space between a few desks I had lost the piece of paper and completely forgotten to do the task. I went back to him an hour later with a vague notion of having said I would help with something or other. Flipping periods make me more forgetful than usual.
Mooncups would not help this. Really not
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
today
today things are a bit better
Soundtrack - the best punk album in the world
Food - brown bread
Thoughts - people in China standing around waiting, people in Kenya getting killed, melbourne.
Hair - big and fluffy
I am in the middle of a book space at the moment. At a place where I feel I cannot commit to a book. Still though I am going away for a month. Not sure my camera manual will keep me going for a whole month. Must hunt for a new book.
Soundtrack - the best punk album in the world
Food - brown bread
Thoughts - people in China standing around waiting, people in Kenya getting killed, melbourne.
Hair - big and fluffy
I am in the middle of a book space at the moment. At a place where I feel I cannot commit to a book. Still though I am going away for a month. Not sure my camera manual will keep me going for a whole month. Must hunt for a new book.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
day 3
Current soundtrack: Dead Kennedys
Current Food: Solpedine
Current thought: Everyone is a mutilated festering cunt
Current Food: Solpedine
Current thought: Everyone is a mutilated festering cunt
Monday, January 28, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
are you a foot or a shoulder looker
This was a question recently put to me.
When drunk do I stare at my shoulders or my feet?
Apparently everyone has a moment when imbibing the sweet nectar that they turn to their shoulder or their foot.
I am indeed a foot person. Mind you I have no idea how anyone looks at their shoulder. Unless they had unusually wide shoulders. Then they may have trouble getting in doors. These are the sort of people who have double doors on the front of the house.
In my experience men usually default to the breasts at the staring point in the night. Women are too busy staring at the pretty shoes on their feet to be bothered.
When drunk do I stare at my shoulders or my feet?
Apparently everyone has a moment when imbibing the sweet nectar that they turn to their shoulder or their foot.
I am indeed a foot person. Mind you I have no idea how anyone looks at their shoulder. Unless they had unusually wide shoulders. Then they may have trouble getting in doors. These are the sort of people who have double doors on the front of the house.
In my experience men usually default to the breasts at the staring point in the night. Women are too busy staring at the pretty shoes on their feet to be bothered.
This flower is showing off
I am showing off. Look at me in soft lighting. I am a sexy flower. This person is not doing me justice with this picture. I am totally divine in real life.
I get the frozen feet. Some days
I find it impossible to face people. Take today, I was up at 6am bright as a newly digested penny. But I sat downstairs thinking about having to say hello to the people outside and it made my feet freeze.
Frozen feet mean I was unable to go to work.
Nervous, Nervous, Nervous at the moment.
Frozen feet mean I was unable to go to work.
Nervous, Nervous, Nervous at the moment.
Smiling Memories
What a wonderful treat it was. Sitting down on the carpet in front of the fire for hours.
Just reading newspapers, half watching matches and drinking all those cups of tea.
It felt timeless inside the room. All fire inside and rain outside.
The intimacy of friends.
Just reading newspapers, half watching matches and drinking all those cups of tea.
It felt timeless inside the room. All fire inside and rain outside.
The intimacy of friends.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Dinner at Sluts End
I'm off to eat a dinner part tonight in a house which was built on a whores’ cemetery.
I reckon if you dug the garden up you might find a bit of petticoat miraculously preserved. How cool would that be to find?
To be honest some bones would be even better to find. I could put them up on the book shelf. I’ve always wanted a human skull to place amongst my books. A teenage fantasy held close still. They are pricey enough on the internet so I haven’t indulged myself, yet.
I’m excited about this dinner for so many reasons. The providers of the dinner have a very cute little baby. Although now that I think of it she will be asleep by 8.30pm. Hmm must call up at a better time for baby watching. Broodiness is a weekly feature in my head these days so the occasional cooing over a cute baby is a must.
Em, anyway back to the dinner. So I think it makes me cool (I never get to be cool), to hang out with people who live in a house at Sluts End. They have bodies in their garden. Maybe if the rain washes all the dirt away over the course of the dinner I’ll get to see some. We are getting lots of rain at the moment. I should bring a camera just in case. Wellingtons too, although as a fashion statement these are over. I think I can get away with being several years behind in the fashion stakes now I’m thirty.
Could I arrive at the door with a shovel for the house instead of the usual bottle of wine?
And we are bringing an external hard drive in order to get some new music from the host. He has really diverse musical taste and a generous nature, there will be swapping but mostly from the other side.
I’m all butterflies in expectation of a music library extension.
I will be back with more after the dinner, maybe with pictures.
At least some ghost stories.
I reckon if you dug the garden up you might find a bit of petticoat miraculously preserved. How cool would that be to find?
To be honest some bones would be even better to find. I could put them up on the book shelf. I’ve always wanted a human skull to place amongst my books. A teenage fantasy held close still. They are pricey enough on the internet so I haven’t indulged myself, yet.
I’m excited about this dinner for so many reasons. The providers of the dinner have a very cute little baby. Although now that I think of it she will be asleep by 8.30pm. Hmm must call up at a better time for baby watching. Broodiness is a weekly feature in my head these days so the occasional cooing over a cute baby is a must.
Em, anyway back to the dinner. So I think it makes me cool (I never get to be cool), to hang out with people who live in a house at Sluts End. They have bodies in their garden. Maybe if the rain washes all the dirt away over the course of the dinner I’ll get to see some. We are getting lots of rain at the moment. I should bring a camera just in case. Wellingtons too, although as a fashion statement these are over. I think I can get away with being several years behind in the fashion stakes now I’m thirty.
Could I arrive at the door with a shovel for the house instead of the usual bottle of wine?
And we are bringing an external hard drive in order to get some new music from the host. He has really diverse musical taste and a generous nature, there will be swapping but mostly from the other side.
I’m all butterflies in expectation of a music library extension.
I will be back with more after the dinner, maybe with pictures.
At least some ghost stories.
Friday, January 11, 2008
I'm Not There.
Everyone should see it.
I was in sucha great mood after it last night.
What a performance from Cate Blanchett. But most of all the soundtrack.
So perfectly chosen.
It kept me captured all the way. Right to the end of the credits.
I am not sure why people left before the end of the credits like usual. The songs at the end were by Bob. Flippin eck.....why did you leave. WHY?
Anyway, D was not in attendance so we have plans to do a video night in our abode with snacks, for friends shortly. I can easily watch it again. Wow.
Funny how the film really captures what is most important about him without the mesmerising presence of the celebrity on screen.
excellent, excellent, excellent.
I was in sucha great mood after it last night.
What a performance from Cate Blanchett. But most of all the soundtrack.
So perfectly chosen.
It kept me captured all the way. Right to the end of the credits.
I am not sure why people left before the end of the credits like usual. The songs at the end were by Bob. Flippin eck.....why did you leave. WHY?
Anyway, D was not in attendance so we have plans to do a video night in our abode with snacks, for friends shortly. I can easily watch it again. Wow.
Funny how the film really captures what is most important about him without the mesmerising presence of the celebrity on screen.
excellent, excellent, excellent.
Jeez
I have been hit with a the fat round wave of tired. Straight from above. It has worked all the way down my body and now I feel very heavy.
All due to thinking I could keep up with the eating habits of some teens and early twenty year olds. They ordered chips and pizza for lunch today and i said to myself; yeah, why not get some chips?
Big mistake. They are all happy days and I have slumped in my chair a big jiggling waste of space thirty year old.
I am never going to make it through the next hour. I can't take a red bull. Sure I'd go mad altogether and become a fizzy trembling blob on the office floor. And I would probably black out. No need for vodka just pass the red bull under my nose and I'm half pissed/blacked out already.
All due to thinking I could keep up with the eating habits of some teens and early twenty year olds. They ordered chips and pizza for lunch today and i said to myself; yeah, why not get some chips?
Big mistake. They are all happy days and I have slumped in my chair a big jiggling waste of space thirty year old.
I am never going to make it through the next hour. I can't take a red bull. Sure I'd go mad altogether and become a fizzy trembling blob on the office floor. And I would probably black out. No need for vodka just pass the red bull under my nose and I'm half pissed/blacked out already.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
The feeling of nothingness
I had been feeling depressed for quite a time then.
There were many tabs of Prozac and sleeping pills being consumed in order to steady me out.
When I took the Prozac that time it made me feel elated. So much that I took to the booze in order to increase the feeling. I could completely block out the rest of the world when I mixed my Prozac with my whiskey.
The relief came then from the constant focus on my thoughts. The feeling of breathing concrete lifted and I could run around like a maniac.
(I have always craved anything that adds to my energiser bunny behaviour. I hate downers.)
When I needed to sleep I swallowed a couple of tiny lilac pills and knocked the wind out of my wings.
I was walking around with huge black eyes and my hearing was starting to act up.
Tunnel hearing and tunnel thinking.
I was having a shower one evening before heading out.
There was nothing in my head at all that night except the flow of water down onto the white bath.
I knocked over the royal blue glass bottle my mother had from the seventies and it smashed into chunky bits.
I have an image of my pale skin, slightly pink from the water against the white bath and then all the blue glass around my feet.
I was cleaning it up and decided to cut my arms open instead.
I figured I should do it properly so I cut lengthways between my wrists and elbow. You know it is much harder to cut skin than you would think.
I left my wrist alone because I didn’t really want to kill myself that day. I wanted to try it all out.
My arm looked like a tree trunk for quite a while.
One person asked me about it and I said it was from a fall.
Years later I noticed the same marks on them.
In later months I flushed that prescription of Prozac and sleeping tabs. Stopping that medication so quickly is not a good idea but neither was cutting myself I suppose.
There were many tabs of Prozac and sleeping pills being consumed in order to steady me out.
When I took the Prozac that time it made me feel elated. So much that I took to the booze in order to increase the feeling. I could completely block out the rest of the world when I mixed my Prozac with my whiskey.
The relief came then from the constant focus on my thoughts. The feeling of breathing concrete lifted and I could run around like a maniac.
(I have always craved anything that adds to my energiser bunny behaviour. I hate downers.)
When I needed to sleep I swallowed a couple of tiny lilac pills and knocked the wind out of my wings.
I was walking around with huge black eyes and my hearing was starting to act up.
Tunnel hearing and tunnel thinking.
I was having a shower one evening before heading out.
There was nothing in my head at all that night except the flow of water down onto the white bath.
I knocked over the royal blue glass bottle my mother had from the seventies and it smashed into chunky bits.
I have an image of my pale skin, slightly pink from the water against the white bath and then all the blue glass around my feet.
I was cleaning it up and decided to cut my arms open instead.
I figured I should do it properly so I cut lengthways between my wrists and elbow. You know it is much harder to cut skin than you would think.
I left my wrist alone because I didn’t really want to kill myself that day. I wanted to try it all out.
My arm looked like a tree trunk for quite a while.
One person asked me about it and I said it was from a fall.
Years later I noticed the same marks on them.
In later months I flushed that prescription of Prozac and sleeping tabs. Stopping that medication so quickly is not a good idea but neither was cutting myself I suppose.
Work Stuff Again
endless talk on how this is all going to play out is doing my effing brain in.
It is bad enough that I am not remotely stretched at work without everlasting conversation on how things are giong to play with this new buy out.
Conjecture has to be the most boring way to spend breaks.
blah blah blah.
It is bad enough that I am not remotely stretched at work without everlasting conversation on how things are giong to play with this new buy out.
Conjecture has to be the most boring way to spend breaks.
blah blah blah.
thinking on the page
Today is a bad day mood wise.
Mood swings are overwhelming me rapidly.
SWING swing SWING
swing
There is a strange atmosphere in the office here today mostly due to the buy out of the company.
The thing is most of the people here are getting loads of money from it so I have no idea why they are not happy, perhaps it is the uncertainty. People hate when major changes are brought about in work even if they are for the better.
I am getting no money from all this as the company I work with daily is my client.
It is a funny old situation where we are in-house contractors and have been for many years. I’m worried about my job as the new buyers of my clients’ org are not in favour of contractors. Fair enough, a substantial amount of money is spent on us every year.
I don’t really mind about the money so much, although I am looking with slight regret on my turning down the job offer I had from my client three years ago. Then again I have never liked them as an organisation and I still believe in my reasons for turning the job down in the first place stand.
I am re-doing the old CV now and I should really take this as an opportunity to get something new going. I think I would like to move away and work abroad for a couple of years but circumstances do not allow. I am not sure why I am putting such limits on myself in that regard actually. Maybe I should look for work abroad. The lifestyle in Australia might be good.
Anyway I’ll return to this subject shortly.
Mood swings are overwhelming me rapidly.
SWING swing SWING
swing
There is a strange atmosphere in the office here today mostly due to the buy out of the company.
The thing is most of the people here are getting loads of money from it so I have no idea why they are not happy, perhaps it is the uncertainty. People hate when major changes are brought about in work even if they are for the better.
I am getting no money from all this as the company I work with daily is my client.
It is a funny old situation where we are in-house contractors and have been for many years. I’m worried about my job as the new buyers of my clients’ org are not in favour of contractors. Fair enough, a substantial amount of money is spent on us every year.
I don’t really mind about the money so much, although I am looking with slight regret on my turning down the job offer I had from my client three years ago. Then again I have never liked them as an organisation and I still believe in my reasons for turning the job down in the first place stand.
I am re-doing the old CV now and I should really take this as an opportunity to get something new going. I think I would like to move away and work abroad for a couple of years but circumstances do not allow. I am not sure why I am putting such limits on myself in that regard actually. Maybe I should look for work abroad. The lifestyle in Australia might be good.
Anyway I’ll return to this subject shortly.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
outside myself again
Here I am in the car
Hands on the wheel
Strapped in facing forward
In the dark
Staring out the window
I have no idea where I am supposed to be going
Hands on the wheel
Strapped in facing forward
In the dark
Staring out the window
I have no idea where I am supposed to be going
Being Bottomly
I drag a reasonably large wagon. Always have done no matter what the dress size. This means I have always had a pain in the large one getting trews for work and such. I go for A-line skirts and dresses usually. But today I was in top-shop doing some voucher shopping with the mother. Feckin love voucher shopping. I was terribly excited about the vouchers but not about top shop. I end up getting shoes, tights and the like there cause the clothes are for those with smaller peaks than myself. Today I came up trumps at last. There we were in the big TS milling around with all the over dressed teens. The mother spotted a shapely dress on the hanger to the right. And I finally thought, after decades of self doubt that perhaps I could try this one. And then sure feck it I bought it. And when I brought it home I took the tags off.....no going back then. Now The other half has given positive feedback. "It is bottomly but not too much" and a bit a friendly groping........which in fairness is a huge compliment coming from an Irish fella.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
after years living with someone they decide to change their couch attitude.
I'm sitting here with itchy nipples.
Could be the new bra. Usually I spend a lot on underwear but being poor at the moment I ran along to M&S and picked up a reasonably priced one. Could be...well I have no idea what else is could be right now.
I have decided the bra can no longer be tolerated but rather than taking it off I have chosen to sit here with with my boobs hanging out of my top.
The other half is having a deep conversation with the big green monster so is fairly tolerant of my couch behaviour at the moment. Still he is looking a little askance.
must go find lotion now.
Could be the new bra. Usually I spend a lot on underwear but being poor at the moment I ran along to M&S and picked up a reasonably priced one. Could be...well I have no idea what else is could be right now.
I have decided the bra can no longer be tolerated but rather than taking it off I have chosen to sit here with with my boobs hanging out of my top.
The other half is having a deep conversation with the big green monster so is fairly tolerant of my couch behaviour at the moment. Still he is looking a little askance.
must go find lotion now.
what a long time it has been
It has been a hazy couple of months for the brain.
drinking, chatting, bitching and smiling
All over town in the crowds living it up like I'm an itch you can't scratch.
The sparkles have been dusted off and the drugs have run out.
The pink wings are all in shreds and the eyes are somewhat redder.
Forget flying around every day of the darned week trying to fit more booze in my body.
I am back on the couch and ready to rock and write.
drinking, chatting, bitching and smiling
All over town in the crowds living it up like I'm an itch you can't scratch.
The sparkles have been dusted off and the drugs have run out.
The pink wings are all in shreds and the eyes are somewhat redder.
Forget flying around every day of the darned week trying to fit more booze in my body.
I am back on the couch and ready to rock and write.
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